One liners.....

-42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
-A day without sunshine is like, night.
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
-All generalizations are false
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
-Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
-Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
-Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
-Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
-If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
-You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
-The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.